goodbye to boring
I never said I wanted a ‘happy’ life but an interesting one.
Wanna know one of the biggest secrets in the world? One that millions of people will never admit?
No matter how much you deny it…
You want to be remembered, live a legacy, and have an awesome life.
You want to be remembered for the right reasons, whether that’s beauty or intellect or wit. You definitely don’t want people to sigh when they hear your name.
You’ve met people like that. They attach themselves to you at a party and talk endlessly about their pet subject. They ask a question and as soon as you stop talking they launch into a monologue.
At work, they monopolise meetings. A watercooler chat becomes another arena for them to demonstrate superiority. You know much more about their private life than you ever wanted, because they tell you.
You can’t wait to get away. And you hope that you’re not like that, but how can you be sure?
Cast the Net
An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex.
Interesting people go wide with their interests and avoid convergent thinking. They’re curious about everything they encounter.
Convergent thinking is an efficient way to reach a goal, like fishing with a rod where fish have been caught before.
In contrast, divergent thinking is messy and unpredictable, like casting a net in the open sea.
Convergent thinking takes information and discards multiple options until it arrives at the correct answer.
Divergent thinking collects multiple options any of which could be the correct answer.
Single-minded focus on one object is necessary and desirable in many situations, like landing a jet or flipping a pancake. But on its own, it won’t make you an interesting person. Neither will knowledge or intelligence.
To be interesting, you really need just one thing.
One Way Leads To Many Roads
Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous mind.
Curiosity drives interesting people.
Interesting people apply divergent thinking to their world every day. When they encounter something new, whether a person or a philosophy, they resist the natural tendency to drop it in a box they already know.
For example, you might think gardening is boring. Yet approaching it with curiosity allows you to find common ground with the person who’s passionate about it. You’re looking for the overlap between their specific interest and your general interest in the world. So instead of politely nodding, ask open questions.
What’s the best (or worst) thing about gardening?
What’s your favourite plant that you grew yourself?
If you couldn’t garden, how would you feel?
These answers require deeper thinking and they reveal more about a person than standard small talk ever will.
Asking what someone does for a living is routine. More interesting questions might be
What do you enjoy about your work?
What do people get wrong about your profession?
How do you relax after a stressful day of (occupation)?
But asking the right question is only the first step.
One Closed and Two Open
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.
Most people love to talk about themselves, so let them — and they’ll think you are the most interesting person in the world. Ask the right questions and listen actively. That means being present and engaged, not looking around for your next networking opportunity or waiting for an opportunity to drop your brilliant insight. People will appreciate genuine interest.
We’re given two ears and one mouth. Use yours accordingly.
This isn’t to say you must never speak. Aim to listen, understand, and only then speak. If you want to show off your knowledge, enter a pub quiz or give a seminar. How do you turn those dry facts into something interesting?
Not All That Glitters is Instant Gold
When you’re curious, you find lots of interesting things to do.
Interesting people gather new information even if it doesn’t seem immediately useful.
Visual art was unrelated to his technology skills, but he combined them and revolutionised the look of computing.
Having more raw material to work with gives you more options to make interesting things. And that’s the essence of creativity.
Bored Isn’t Interesting
And also, a thing is interesting because of thinking about it and not because of it being new.
Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Only boring people are bored is something I heard as a child. I’d like to turn that saying on its head; interesting people are never bored.
You can find something of interest in almost anything, simply by closer observation. That single-minded focus becomes meditative when watching raindrops on a window or a bee visiting flowers. Ask yourself open questions.
What is happening here?
How can I describe this sound in words?
Where did this drop of water come from and where will it go next?
When you can find something new in the everyday, then you distance yourself from the constant dopamine hit of passing novelty. See what is in front of you, rather than always looking around for the next new thing.
Passion is Contagious
You are not wrong to be unique. You are not incorrect because you are different. You should not be sorry for being interesting.
Jessica Hagy, How to Be Interesting
One of the most wonderful connections we can have is to hear someone speak about their passion. Passion illuminates and sparks recognition in ourselves. It’s hard not to smile when you see it.
Perhaps you’ve learned to hide your passions because you’ve been met with boredom or told to shut up about it. But without passion life is stale and beige.
True attention is a gift all too rarely given these days.
Interesting people are not about hogging the limelight. They’re secure enough to let others shine, and they want to know more about other interesting souls.
If someone gives you the space to let your passion show, remember that a conversation is like tennis; serve and return. Both players can’t have the ball at the same time.
In Your Court
Interesting people are interested in things other than themselves. They’re educationally omnivorous. And so they end a lot of sentences with honest question marks.
Jessica Hagy, How to Be Interesting
The world is full of wonders, and other people are among those wonders.
- Pay attention to everything you encounter.
- Be curious.
- Ask open questions.
- Dismiss your first thought and always have a second thought.
- Listen more than you talk.
- Give people space to be brilliant, and they will want to spend more time with you.